This One's For Chris

Some of you may recall this story written by Chris about the "flying squirrel".

Well, Jeff told me a couple of stories that reminded me of Chris' adventure in the men's gym locker room.

Apparently, there is a guy at the gym where Jeff goes who just LOVES to strut around the locker room wearing nothing but a towel.....around his neck.

Jeff once came into the locker room after a workout and happened to see a guy standing in the room buck naked, shaving, with his willy free and loose. I do believe Jeff did not break the horizon. Peripheral vision gave him enough info. Jeff was disgusted and very uncomfortable and wished the guy would be more discreet by lowering the towel several notches.

Today, Jeff walked into the locker room and saw the naked guy with the towel around his neck. To Jeff's horror and repulsion, he saw the man bent over with one foot planted on a bench, his hairy ass sticking out, clipping his toenails.

Now, Jeff didn't get into full detail the way Chris did in his own story, but I'm sure your imagination will do the image justice.

No, I'm Not Going Crazy..........

This morning, the kids were outside and I was in the shower.

I hear the dog barking and then I hear a man's voice in the bedroom that sounded a lot like Jeff:

"Hello?! Anybody home?"

"Jeff", I yell out, "I'm in the shower!"

No reply. So I step out dripping wet and soapy and call out once again....

"Jeff! I'm in the shower!"

No reply. And there is no one in the bedroom.

I figure he went downstairs and can't really hear me. I look out the window to check on the kids and I don't see them in the backyard, but I can hear their voices, so I'm thinking that Jeff must be outside in the driveway with them.

I finish showering, put on my bathrobe and venture downstairs to greet Jeff.

The kids are at the door trying to get in. I locked them out because they've been traipsing through mud and didn't want them barreling into the house with dirty boots on.

Jeff isn't with them.

I KNOW I heard a man's voice, but there was no sign of Jeff anywhere. I realize he must've never come home.

I thought maybe I was going crazy.

I went back upstairs to get dressed and saw that there was "1" flashing on the answering machine.

I press play and hear:

"Hello?! Anybody home?"

It was Jeff, leaving a message.

I felt like such an ass.........

Even Our Dog Isn't Immune....

Ever since Brendon was diagnosed, I've been hyperaware about diabetic symptoms.

Jake's diaper was more full than normal....he got a glucose check.

Jessica asked for a second cup of water in a row....she got a glucose check.

I get a little headachey after eating a load of Halloween candy....I get a glucose check.

Our dog has been drinking and going out to pee like crazy and then gets so sick that she can't hold anything down and then develops diarrhea (all over my carpet for fuck's sake) and doesn't follow me around the house as usual....she gets a glucose check at the vet.

I was dreading that my dog has diabetes.

We got a call from the vet.

She's fine.

No diabetes....$200 later.

You're Honor, I Present To You Exhibits A, B, and C

One day, I walked into my bedroom and I discovered a pile of Rice Krispies all over the sheets on my bed.

Many moons later, I was downloading pictures from my camera and found these:






Jessica took pictures of Jacob eating the evidence and the subsequent scattering of the evidence all over my sheets (that is Jake's hand in the third picture).

I also found these other pictures my two Gremlins took of each other:






It took me a while to figure out from what angle those pictures were taken (except for the third).

For some reason, all of these "surprise" pictures tickled my funny bone. I had no idea they were on the camera. And then it sort of reminded me of those videos that teenagers take of each other committing crimes and mischief. And then I got a quick shiver because I flashed forward 10 years and pictured myself downloading and discovering "surprise" pictures of my kids committing crimes and mischief....yeeck!

Stay tuned for this:

The Story of a Pioneer
dLifeTV reports on the life of Elliott Joslin
One of the leading diabetes centers in the world was started by a man
whose ideas were years ahead of their time.
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REPORTS ON THE LIFE AND TIMES
OF ELLIOTT JOSLIN
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Where's Saddam's Hole When You Need It?

Remember that hole in the ground where U.S. troops found Saddam hiding? I could use a place like that right about now.

It all started yesterday when I picked up Jess and Jake from preschool and stopped to get gas.

Jake (his head peaking from driver's side door): Mommay, I have to go peepee!
Me: Jake, you'll have to wait till we get home.
Jake: Mom-MAY, I have to go pee-PEE!
Me: Jake, get back in your seat.

I stop pumping the gas and go to get him back in the seat when I discover that it's too late...he went peepee and it flowed down his leg and pooled on my seat.

Flash forward to today when I put on my brand new J. Crew City Pants and sat on my driver's side seat to drive the kids on errands. Once I got home, my bottom felt a little wet and I realized why....I had forgotten all about the peepee that still hadn't dried.

Great, so now I was going to smell like urine for an awards ceremony I was going to tonight for nurse's and caretakers of kids with disabilities. I nominated Brendon's school nurse and she won an award (everyone who was nominated won, which was really nice) and I wanted to bring the kids. Jeff is currently in Georgia, so I was going to be solo with all three kids.

NOTE: In between these moments, Jess and Jake are acting like Gremlins...from the movie Gremlins...like in that scene where they screwing up houses and causing extreme turmoil and destruction...and I'm going nuts trying to stop them.

Sometime between the moment I realized my J. Crew City Pants were wet with urine and the moment I was doing something else at some point, I hear Jacob calling for help in the playroom. Now, before Jacob called for help, I notice our dog licking at something on the carpet in the playroom and discover she's chowing down on her own puke. It's basically chicken scraps from lord knows where because there was no chicken in the garbage.

Return to Jacob calling for help. I run into the playroom to see what the matter was. He dipped his knee in more chicken slop from the dog's stomach and it looks like the dog ate an entire chicken carcass and puked it back up into carcass formation. What a fucking mess.

Brendon, in the meantime, had a doctor's appointment that I had to get him to, so I strip Jake, get him dressed, clean up the puke and get Jess and Jake ready to pick up Brendon from school to get to his appointment.

To make this next part of the story short, we come home, I make dinner, and we immediately leave the moment the last forkful of food hits their mouths.

I get to the ceremony and sit with some people I know from the diabetes support group I go to. Steve, the guy who started the support group, had his kids there coloring away nicely while my kids were scouring the refreshment table for diet drinks.

Brendon kept bugging me about getting him a diet soda from the vending machine because none were to be found on the tables and would NOT give up even after telling him that I had no money with me. I had an open bottle of Pepsi in my hand that I'd taken from the refreshment table...it was opened...and as I made a gesture to the people sitting at my table in a fist like fashion that indicated that I wanted to knock Brendon's block off, my fist hit the Pepsi and splashed me, Brendon, and Jessica. So, needless to say my urine smelling J. Crew City Pants were now sprinkled with huge spots of Pepsi.

If you're asking why I was still wearing the pants, well they didn't smell THAT bad, so I wore them anyway.

My hand was wet from the Pepsi and I wiped it on my pants. I look down and there's pink stuff smeared all over them.

WTF!? I look at my hand and see pink ink smeared all over my hand. I couldn't figure out where it came from until Steve's son said that he colored my Pepsi bottle with red marker....permanent red marker.

Mother fuck fuck mother fuck cluster fuckster.

I laughed it off, but I was so disappointed that my J. Crew City Pants were ruined. A kind woman sitting with me gave me one of those stain pens and no, it didn't work.

In the meantime, the kids are running around the H.S. cafeteria where the ceremony was held and I'm trying to gather them and get them to shut the hell up.

In the end, I left early with the other support group people I knew and now I'm sipping Bailey's Irish Cream which is why this post is so disjointed, doesn't make sense and I don't care....I just want to go hide in that hole :(

Spring Fever....

So many bloggers are taking a break from posting. It's sad, but I know it's necessary. Being cooped up all winter allows us to self indulge (I don't mean self indulge in a selfish way) in what we're feeling and going through and it gets to be claustrophobic.

Unless I have something I need to pour out here, I should probably make time doing other things like:

Figuring out what profession I want to do for when it's time for me to return to work. I should figure it out now in case I have to return to school.

Get more involved with diabetes issues and help out by volunteering or advocating (maybe I can find a paying job as a result).

Get the kids out and about....try to find fun, but free stuff to do!

Hunt down freelance writing work.

Ramp up my triathlon training.

Being that checking blogs is too enticing for me to give up, I will be checking in with ya'll.

A Good Representation

I got this one from Chris....

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Tape And Glue Just Doesn't Cut It

In the beginning of Brendon's diagnosis, when we left the house to go somewhere, I'd carry every supply necessary with me to ensure that Brendon would be well provided for in the event he was high, low, whatever.... I'd bring his kit, glucagon, snack, water, juice or tabs, insulin, needles. Even if it was a half hour trip to a store, supplies would ride along. Granted about 90% of the stuff went unused for a very long time, but you just never knew what would happen.

Over the course of the 4 yrs he's had diabetes, I've perhaps become overconfident (however you want to label it) that he'll be fine and that nothing significant will happen while we're out somewhere that would warrant me bringing all of my supplies with me. Unless of course we were doing an over nighter, or an all dayer far from home. I typically just bring his kit and some tabs....if I remember...and even then sometimes I don't bring anything at all with me.

That overconfidence has bitten me in the ass more than once over the years, but I never really corrected my lack of preparedness because I was always able to get away with fixing the problem with an application of "tape and glue".

But recent events have tossed me back to the beginning....

The other day, Brendon came through the door after school looking pale and like he was about to pass out. He didn't have the energy to take off his coat and boots. Collapsing on the couch, he told me he was tired and hungry and he wanted a snack. I checked him. He was a 43. Give him a juice....give him a peanut butter sandwich....give him some cookies because his sister spilled her guts and told him she and Jacob already had some, so of course all things have to be equal amongst the siblings.

I went over the food list he had just scarfed down to count the carbs and he added in the juice he drank while walking home from the bus stop. Oh really....I didn't know he drank a juice he had in his backpack....a juice I hadn't even known about. I looked at the log the school nurse fills out and at 3:00 he was a 130. Because he had gym that day, she noted that she sent him home with a just-in-case-juice and it proved to be a lifesaver so to speak. I asked if he felt low on the bus and he told me he didn't feel low until he started walking home from the bus stop....45 minutes from the time he was last checked. A drop that fast...ouch!

You see, he normally doesn't have a juice in his backpack at all times. You see, this is the first time he dipped low like that on his way home from school. You see, if he hadn't had that juice to hold him just enough to allow him to walk home (which is several houses down the road, but still) he may not have had the ability to make it home safely. That sends chills down my spine and makes me feel like an awful mother.

So now, I pack a just-in-case-juice in his backpack for the occasions he may drop low.

This morning, he woke us at 6 a.m. telling us that his infusion set pulled out while he was sleeping. The tubing made a clean disconnection from the cartridge. Luckily it happened not too long before he told us because he was a 216 this morning.

Because the tubing had the ability to do what it did while he was sleeping, who knows what would happen during a game of football, or climbing around on the monkey bars at the park, or any other activity little boys love to do.

So now, I will make sure he has EVERYTHING he needs to ensure that he is safe and sound. No more taking for granted that he'll be fine.

I've been getting away for far too long with "just enough" because I took for granted that nothing really bad would happen and that tape and glue would fix everything.

The walk home from the bus stop struck me especially hard because I wasn't with him and he was so vulnerable to the effects of a low that could've proven to be much worse had he been subjected to my lack of vigilance.

The cold slap in the face hit me pretty hard and I've snapped out of it. I'm back to being a vigilant mom.

One Funny Story

Jamie put out a challenge to the OCers to write about something funny that happened (her story is funny as hell and is a MUST read). This was spurred by that "nutty" observational story written by Chris who for some odd reason broke the invisible horizon that all men should keep while in the locker room (his too is gut busting funny as hell).

My story is both funny yet so heart wrenching.....

The family and I went on a cruise and one of the stops was in Tortola (part of the British Virgin Islands). We disembarked the ship with the intention of doing a bit of souvenir shopping and afterward, buy some sunscreen for our trip to the beach.

We all picked out a trinket while Brendon picked out two posters giving the locations of buried treasures. One was for him and the other for his friend who's birthday party he had missed because we were on the cruise.

With our treasures in hand, we ventured along the street looking for a store that sold sunscreen. We started walking toward a row of stores and immediately after stepping on the patio of the storefronts, I looked down and saw a big dog turd. I called out to everyone "Watch out for the dog poop. It's right there", as I pointed it out clear as day for everyone to see.

All of a sudden I hear "Bren, LOOK OUT!" and as I turned, I saw Brendon spread eagled face down on the patio with one arm folded around his poster and the other stetched out to his side with his entire hand placed over the turd squashing it between his fingers. The poor kid tripped on the lip of the patio slab and by divine intervention, his hand made one with the poop.

Being the compassionate mother I am, I asked if he was OK and then I laughed. He looked bewildered and disgusted and had his hand poised near his shirt ready to wipe. Jeff and I screamed "Don't wipe it on your shirt!"

The poor kid didn't know what to do sitting there, so we told him to wipe his hand on the grass and then took him into an internet cafe to go to the bathroom to wash up.

Soap and water wasn't enough for me, so once he got the big stuff off, I pulled out some alcohol wipes from his glucose kit case and vigorously wiped his hand clean.

He wouldn't touch anything with that hand until we made it to the beach after more hand washing and after he had soaked in the ocean for a good half hour.

As a mother, it broke my heart to see him look so helpless and disgusted, but being who I am, I still laugh myself into hysterics when I think of him spread eagled with his hand smack dab on the poop.

*I've amended the story slightly to account for the awkward description and the inordinate amount of exclamation marks ;)

I've Got This Bone Chilling Fear

This fear I have only occurs in the winter and it's as a result of footage I saw years ago on one of those 60 Minutes-20/20 shows. The footage showed a woman at a gas pump filling her car and then suddenly blowing up.

There was a static electric shock that occured at some point which ignited the gasoline resulting in her being engulfed in flames.

Yesterday, I went to fill the minivan with gas. EVERYTHING I touched gave me a shock. So needless to say in 14 degree weather I was sweating like a...oh, I don't know what....but, I was extremely nervous and my tank was on empty, so I really didn't have a choice but to bite the bullet and fill 'er up.

Stop Drop and Roll.

7 Minutes in Heaven (remember that game?)

Barry (Bettercell) kindly tagged me for this meme. So here goes nothing....

THE SEVEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Travel through Australia
2. Witness my children grow into productive, successful, happy, healthy adults
3. Quit biting my cuticles for good
4. Publish a novel
5. Write my own obituary
6. To look back and have no regrets
7. To see Brendon cured of diabetes

SEVEN THINGS I CANNOT DO

1. Carry a tune
2. Tolerate adults hurting children in any way, shape, or form
3. Ride a unicycle
4. Wink one eye
5. Figure out what I want to be when I grow up
6. Wax my own legs
7. Have a conversation with my kids without laughing at something they say

SEVEN THINGS THAT I FIND ATTRACTIVE

1. An easy smile
2. Blue eyes
3. Laugh lines
4. Jeans
5. A bit of scruff on the face
6. Tussled hair
7. Having eyes only for me

SEVEN THINGS I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SAY

1. Oh my God!
2. Give me a fucking break
3. Grrrrrrr
4. You crack me up
5. Dear God in heaven what the fuck did I get myself into?
6. Bren, did I dose you?
7. What's up?

SEVEN BOOKS I'VE READ AND RECOMMEND TO OTHERS

1. A Year of Magical Thinking
2. The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter
3. East of Eden
4. Watership Down
5. Anything by Judy Blume
6. With the Old Breed: At Peleliu and Okinawa by E.B. Sledge (that book rocked my world)
7. Helter Skelter

SEVEN FAVORITE MOVIES

1. Breakfast Club
2. Good Will Hunting
3. Jerry McGuire
4. Grease
5. The Outsiders
6. Legends of the Fall
7. The Godfather

I'm Ba-aaack.....

Vacation was good.

In a writing slump.

You all will see me here and there on other blogs commenting....

Hope you all had a good week.