Trapped In The Bates Motel

Why is it I can't do anything without a disaster occuring? I can't just simply make a 5 hour drive home without incident.

I set off at 10 a.m. and didn't arrive home until 14 hours later at midnight.

I packed up my luggage and the kids and set off Sunday morning without having eaten breakfast or had a coffee. That is prime for setting off my infamous migraines.

But Jessica certainly had enough to eat and it all came up when I parked at a rest stop to hit the bathrooms (the boys held out for practically 2 hours...what a miracle). Jessica complained she wasn't feeling well and that she had to throw up. She started to vomit and I practically tossed her into a trash can. Sitting right next to it at a picnic bench was an elderly couple eating their lunch. They were so ancient, they hadn't noticed...so I didn't feel too badly.

She felt much better and was back to normal. Apparently, 5 large caramel coated rice cakes don't settle in the stomach too well.

We got back on the highway again and soon after, the kids started complaining they were hungry. I could feel a migraine settling in and making itself cozy, so I got off an exit that was advertising a convenient stop for McDonalds. Right next to it was a Dunkin' Donuts, so I stopped there first to get some coffee and take an aspirin. While waiting for my coffee, I heard a "ding" which sounded like the indicator for an empty tank. I looked and saw I still had half a tank, but upon looking again, I saw the engine temp indicator was on HOT.

Fuck me slowly with a chainsaw.

I got my coffee, settled into a parking spot and called Jeff. After talking to him, I saw a Gulf station with repair garages across the street and told him I'd get someone to help me out. It was Sunday, so I didn't have much hope that a mechanic was working.

A mechanic was indeed there and he came over to check things out.

He determined there was a leak after pouring water into the coolant thigamajigger and watching it all pour out underneath the van.

Jeff said he'd drive the 3 hours to help me out. Did you know we paid off the van only days before?

The mechanic told me I could park the van in the lot until Jeff arrived. I got some food for us, got us across the street and was THANKFUL that a Super 8 Motel was right in back of the station.

I asked for a room...the biggest they had because I didn't know how long we'd be there, and I needed room for the wild ones to roam. While waiting for the girl to check us in, Brendon said:

"Mom, today is your lucky day."

"Oh yeah? How so?"

"We have McDonalds to eat, a hotel room to cool off and watch TV in, and a man to fix the van."

"It's good for me that I found those four leaf clovers in Grandpa's backyard last weekend, huh."

"Yeah, it is", said Brendon with a big grin on his face.

I got us a room and holed up there until Jeff arrived. He was a sight for sore eyes, for sure and he went to check out the damage and see if he could at least patch it up so that we could drive it home.

He arrived at 1 p.m. We didn't make it out of the hotel until 8:30 p.m. because he had to drive around to see if he could find the stuff he needed to MacGyver a repair.

In the meantime, the kids were hungry, so I ventured out to the vending machines. I wasn't about to drag 3 kids across a busy 4 lane road to hit McD's again.

None of the machines would take my dollars, so I went to the first floor. As I'm choosing what to get, a big burly man walked in and stood at the elevator waiting for it to open. The eyes in the back of my head (the reflection in the window of the vending machine) showed me he was looking me up and down. Let me tell you that he wasn't checking out what was in the machine. Plus, he wasn't the only "dreg of society" to have passed through. I wanted to get the snacks quickly, but not too quickly because I didn't want to take the elevator with him.

But, of course with my luck, I finished at the time the doors were opening.

I opted for the stairs (aka...rape trap).

I was hoping he wouldn't get off and see me running like mad up the stairs with an armload of Smartfood popcorn, a bottle of soda, and Slim Jims.

I got to the 4th floor, opened the door, and stood eye to eye with the big burly guy.

Fuuuuck.

"Wow, you got up here fast!"

Yeah, fat ass...that's what happens when you're not a fatass like you.

I ignored him and walked down the hallway...the wrong way.

I paused at a door and looked to see if he was watching, but he got into his room.

As I walked back...the right way...he came out of his room just as I was passing.

Fuuuuuck.

I made it to my room and felt like I was in a horror movie as I'm trying to slip the card in the door lock to unlock it...fumbling and jumbling away. But, I forgot that I told Brendon to lock the other locks behind me to make it extra safe.

I finally made it in.

And later, we finally made it out and home.

You don't know how relieved I was to be in my own house, in my cozy bed, with my family and my "knight in shining armor".

Sweet relief indeed.