Mom Wants A Diabetes Cure

Friday, February 22, 2008

May The Good Lord Save My Soul...True Love Triumphs Over Sphincter Failure

I think the hardest thing to do is to click on 'publish post'.

When I was in college, I'd drive a few hours from South Jersey to Upstate New York on the weekends to visit Jeff. I'd only bring enough clothes to get me through a couple of days.

The Sunday I was to leave to return to school, we ordered Chinese takeout. After we ate, I was laying in bed reading a book and my stomach felt funky. Like it was empty and a little sore.

It was time for me to drive back to school, and about 20 minutes into my ride, I felt like I was going to throw up. I knew I'd never make it back to school, so I turned around and drove back to Jeff's house.

I finally got there, ran through the door, up the stairs and made it to the gracious porcelain god just in time to feed him some dim sum and chicken lo mein.

I wasn't going back to school afterall. And that moment was just the start of my nightmare.

I felt awful at that point and crawled into bed. Jeff asked if there was anything he could do, and I said there was nothing, to just let me sleep it off.

The food poisoning just kept getting worse. I threw up a couple of more times. Later, I was burning the candle at both ends, so to speak. There was enough food that traversed through my intestinal track to give me a good dose of the trots.

To make a cruel sickness even more evil, as I'd throw up, it would come out the other end too....at the same goddamned time!

I started dipping into Jeff's underwear drawer because I went through my own skivvies. I didn't think he'd mind.

I was in a world of hurt.

Well, I finally fell asleep for the night after my ordeal, but something woke me up. It was another wave of nausea.

There was something else that woke me up too. It was the feeling of wetness in the underwear I was wearing. My sphincter failed me miserably and let the digested Chinese dinner escape while I slept. Those sneaky bastards.

Here I am, a grown, sophisticated, college educated woman shitting her pants. Nice!

I was humiliated and was convinced that Jeff would be thoroughly disgusted with me and never want to lay eyes, or anything else on me again!

He just left me to my own devices and probably curled up into a safe place in his mind to protect himself from my intestinal assault.

Thank sweet adorable baby Jesus that he bought a shitload of underwear because I must've gone through 5 pairs.

I was sick for a couple of more days, able to keep down fluids, and finally returned to school by Wednesday.

Lo and behold, Jeff called me and asked if I made it home OK. And then I visited him the next weekend. We ordered pizza this time.

10 Comments:

  • Hubby got food poisoning one time while we were engaged. We lost track about the 19th time he threw up/dry heaved.
    We had pizza. His half had sausage. Bad, diseased sausage.

    I stopped sharing the bed once he started getting sick too, lol!

    By Blogger Sunshine, at 2/22/2008 11:01 AM  

  • Yes, your story wins. I have been there. The simultanous delivery sucks! or blows. or whatever!

    By Blogger George, at 2/22/2008 11:21 AM  

  • Oh man - I think we've all been there (burning the candle at both ends, so to speak). I felt your pain. It's also an indication of true love - Jeff let you shit in his underwear - and he still kept and loved you! Now that, in my mind, is deep down, true love baby!

    :)

    By Blogger Jamie, at 2/22/2008 11:29 AM  

  • This post proves that I am in fact quite immature, I am giggling uncontrollably.
    How nice of Jeff though. Any man that lets you come back after having an "accident" in his underwear is definitely a catch.

    By Blogger Jillian, at 2/22/2008 12:00 PM  

  • Hoo boy. That's love, baby :)

    I made chicken soup for my beloved about three weeks into our relationship, when he got a horrible cold. He told me it was one of the big steps to winning his heart. Boys are so easy :)

    Happy weekend!

    By Blogger Araby62, at 2/22/2008 12:57 PM  

  • Oh my God that made me laugh my ass off.

    You not only crapped your own pants, but you crapped his, too. Brilliant.

    By Blogger Kerri., at 2/22/2008 5:38 PM  

  • What a great story/memory. And aren't you the lucky lady for having such a great guy!!

    By Blogger Colleen, at 2/22/2008 9:40 PM  

  • Well at least it wasn't in total public like this poor gal:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zogNsjy6zcQ

    By Blogger Brett, at 2/23/2008 1:03 AM  

  • Poor Shannon! That sounds truly mortifying. I'm so sorry, but I'm laughing my ass off over here!

    By Blogger Lea, at 2/23/2008 9:44 AM  

  • I LOVE what Kerri said, "You not only crapped your own pants, but you crapped his, too. Brilliant." That's classic.

    By Blogger Donna, at 2/23/2008 3:39 PM  

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