Mom Wants A Diabetes Cure

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Full Proof Way to Torture the Enemy and Get the Info You Want

Methods of Torture:

Plucked fingernails
Slapping the bottoms of feet with a bamboo stick alla "Midnight Express"
Chinese water torture
Sleep deprivation
Deafeningly loud music

None of those methods matches the time it takes to finally break the will of your enemy causing him to spill his guts, revealing everything he knows, the way this method does:

It's the "I'm hungry" method.


Take a boy of about the age of 6. The whinier the voice, the better. Send him into the room of the sleeping enemy at the crack of dawn (preferably 6 a.m.), and every half hour for the next 16 hours, instruct the boy to say the following (remember, it's imperative you instruct the boy to say these things EVERY HALF more, but it could be less if so inclined to instruct him):

6 a.m. SHARP!!: I'm hungry, make me breakfast.

6:30 a.m.: I'm hungry, can you please make me breakfast?

7:00 a.m.: Hey, it's 7 o'clock can you PLEASE make me breakfast?
Note: By this time, after 5 measely hours of sleep after making your enemy perform all night glucose checks, he will be fully awake, thoroughly agitated, and the real work will begin.

7:30 a.m.: Are you going to make me breakfast yet? (at this time, realizing the boy just won't quit, the enemy will concede and make the boy breakfast figuring, hey if this is all I have to do to get through this, then torture isn't so bad. This is when you can laugh and say, "My friend, you have no idea what you're in for. We're warning you, if you tell us your secrets, we'll call the boy off." The enemy will surely scoff at this offer because he has NO IDEA the endurance this boy possesses).

8:00 a.m.: I'm finished eating, but I'm still hungry. Can I have something else?

8:30 a.m.: I still want more, can I have a piece of cheese?

9:00 a.m.: When's snack gonna be?

9:30 a.m.: I wanna a snack.

10:00 a.m.: When can I have a snaaaack???????!!!!!!

This method will be repeated before, after, and DURING, I repeat, DURING each and every meal.

I assure wait...I GUARANTEE you, that the enemy will be so BROKEN and WILLING to share EVERY secret your heart desires from him that you will win any war you will ever fight in your lifetime.

Let me know when you want this boy because he's currently working his method on a mom in New Hampshire. I'm sure she'll break before lunchtime.


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