Brand Me A Losah

Omen #1: Black snake in our path when Jacob, Jessica and I made our way from the baseball field to the park during Brendon's Little League game. Jessica nearly stepped on it after I screamed "Ooh!! Look a snake! A snake!! See it! See it! Jessica watch it...you're going to step on it!!". I cringed the same way one might cringe in anticipation of seeing if the next step will land a foot in a pile of dog shit.

Clue #1: A clean, white partial tampon applicator sitting at the outside of my mini van. "Ew", I thought to myself when I went to check the time on the dashboard clock because, gawd, when is this game going to be over, "who the hell used a tampon around here?"

We all piled into the van after Brendon's game as the "terrorized" children claimed they were starving.

"Let's go to McDonald's", I mouthed to Jeff.

"That's fine", he said.

So we went our merry little way and as we're about to pull into the drive thru, Jeff asks if his wallet is in the van.

"Yeah, I saw it in my pocketbook." I rummaged for it, but couldn't feel it amongst all of the receipts.

Nada.

"Your wallet isn't in here, is it in the baseball bag?"

No it isn't I realize after I check.

"OMG, someone took your wallet! I swore I locked the van. I unlocked it when I checked the time, but I was sitting where I could see the van."

I took out $20 from my own wallet to give to him for the food and I noted how nonchalant Jeff was. Jeez, I can't believe he's so calm. It's nice, actually.

"Was anything taken from your wallet?"

"No, I just handed you some money. They only took your wallet. Let me check to see if anything is missing out of mine."

As I pick up my pocketbook, I see the tampon, in the other part of the applicator, sitting on the van floor.

"Oh shit, they unwrapped my tampon and messed with it!! And my credit card is missing!!! Oh shiiiit"

I pictured teen thugs (who I saw playing basketball on the playground) rummaging through my pocketbook and examining my tampon like chimpanzees examining some odd discovery...just short of sniffing and tasting it.

"Please let me find my credit card floating around my pocketbook."

I fished around the receipts and found my credit card. Which then made me doubt the accuracy of my memory of seeing his wallet in my pocketbook.

Man Jeff was awfully calm.

We got the food for the kids and shot home with the plan that Jeff would go back to the field to see if the thugs tossed the wallet somewhere after they finished pillaging it.

We got home and Jeff checked his truck.

"The wallet was in there."

"Ohh...so I guess I remembered seeing it the last time we went somewhere", which I believed happened a few days ago, but couldn't for the life of me remember where we could've possibly have gone because we never go anywhere.

"It was in your purse last night when we went to the support group meeting."

"Ohhh. So THAT'S when I saw it."

OooKaay.