Mom Wants A Diabetes Cure

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Do You Consider Me Spoiled?

My eyelids are heavy as I pull back the covers and drop into bed.

I snuggle down deep into the mattress, under the comforter, protecting myself against the cold winter air.

Jeff mentions that he should've brought the test kit up to our room.

I get annoyed and ask why he didn't. I certainly don't want to do it now that I'm comfortable.

We watch TV and I hope I fall asleep before he does.

But, when I look over at him, I see that he's beaten me to it.

I glance at the clock and I see I have 30 minutes to stay awake.

So, I watch a little bit of Larry King as he talks to Natalie Holloway's mom about Jaron's murder confession to a gangster. I notice she's had her face done. She looks glowing.

Then I turn on the last of the Apprentice and wonder why Omarosa wasn't fired.

The car pulling away from the curb tells me it's time.

But, I'd rather stay where it is warm and cozy and way too comfortable to leave.

I think about the agony of the cold hitting my body as I imagine myself getting out of bed.

So, I stay a while longer watching a show that isn't remotely something I would watch.

But, I use it as a snooze button and tell myself when the next commercial comes on, I will get up out of bed, go downstairs, get the test kit in the kitchen, come back up, and pray that he has a number I don't have to trouble myself with.

The next commercial comes, and I do what needs to be done.

The meter shows 54.

Shit.

I trek down to the main floor and then down to the basement where we keep the juice out of Jessica and Jacob's reach above the freezer.

Juice that Brendon refused to drink earlier in the evening when he was low because he's sick of drinking juice.

I make him a cheese sandwich to hold him overnight and bring it and the juice up to him.

I pray that he doesn't refuse the juice.

I curse him silently for not rousing as quickly as I'd like him to and eat as quickly as he normally does.

He takes agonizingly small bites of the sandwich. I tell him to take bigger bites because I don't want to sit there all night.

I just want to get this over with and get back to my cocoon.

I don't care that he is suffering with a low.

I just want warmth and comfort.

He drinks and eats, I reduce his basal.

I cover him to his chin to protect him from the cold winter air.

Yeah. Consider me spoiled.

11 Comments:

  • I wouldn't say you're spoiled, but I will say your son is very lucky to have you for a mom.

    By Blogger Sunshine, at 2/07/2008 11:23 PM  

  • F Diabetes, thats all I have to say. It runs your life and when you leave it alone it gives you a 54 so you don't let it happen again.

    By Blogger Brett, at 2/08/2008 2:34 AM  

  • Great post Shannon. Man, does that ever hit home. Our 59 came at 6:30 this morning after correcting a 2 am 344 that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Dammit! I forgot to Tivo Apprentice.

    By Blogger Carey, at 2/08/2008 9:16 AM  

  • You're not spoiled. Diabetes just sucks sometimes, and all you want to do is go to sleep to make it go away. You'd be spoiled if you didn't go to help him, but you didn't do that. Give yourself a break, it's hard. Just don't let Brendon know it's that bad for you, because the last thing you want on top of all that diabetes brings is to have Brendon feel guilty.

    Have a happy Friday and give diabetes a kick in the butt for me!

    By Blogger Jillian, at 2/08/2008 9:23 AM  

  • Spoiled is not on the list of things a parent of a child with diabetes is. Tired, worried, frustrated maybe, but not spoiled.

    BTW, I loved this post. It's honest. Sometimes I dread getting up and testing Riley only because I know if he's low I'll be up a while.

    By Blogger Penny, at 2/08/2008 10:10 AM  

  • This one hits home for me too. Same situation has often played out in our house as well. Whoever falls asleep first is the "winner" so to speak. Some nights I just wish we could go to bed early and sleep all night long - the whole family. It just can't happen. I always have to do that 11:00 pm test - just to make sure.

    And, I also know what you mean when they take small sips of juice and all you're thinking is "hurry up! I want to get back to bed!". It's not spoilage here - it's the guilt afterwards that gets to you. It's the disease getting under YOUR skin as well as Brendon's.

    Thank you for posting such a refreshingly honest post. I think every parent can relate to this one whether they care to admit it or not.

    By Blogger Jamie, at 2/08/2008 10:51 AM  

  • Nights like that remind me of those nights getting up to nurse. I envied my husband for falling asleep without a care in the world while I could never really relax and sleep, knowing that I had to get up so soon.

    I have one question: is this a scheduled check that you have to do every night? I'm only asking because Noah's endo stressed that we don't have to check in the middle of the night...only if we have reason to (correction before bed etc.) Just curious.

    By Blogger Lea, at 2/08/2008 11:40 AM  

  • I like what Penny said. You are definitely not spoiled. Tired, perhaps. But that's okay.

    By Blogger Donna, at 2/08/2008 6:45 PM  

  • Ugh. We had a 53 at 2:45 this morning. I'm right there with you, babe.

    Then I tell my hubby this morning that Daniel had a low in the middle of the night. "Oh?" Yeah. He slept through it. *sigh*

    By Blogger Naomi, at 2/08/2008 9:13 PM  

  • Great post Shan.

    By Blogger Scott K. Johnson, at 2/08/2008 11:38 PM  

  • I love this post Shannon. I soooo relate. Although in our house hubby never wakes up in the middle of the night to test. I always do it. Izzy won't have it any other way. I hate when I test her at night and she is low...it always takes soooooo loooonnngggg. We have had a lot of the middle of the night lows lately so I have started keeping juice boxes and snacks upstairs so that at least I don't have to go all the way downstairs. That helps a little.

    By Blogger Lisa, at 2/09/2008 3:26 PM  

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