Mom Wants A Diabetes Cure

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Yesterday...All My Troubles Seem Like They're Piled On Top Of Me

Diabetes is ripping me up this morning. More like gouging...shredding me. And those aren't apt descriptions in the least.

I have a support group meeting today that I will be hosting. We typically take turns. Yesterday, I received two emails. One member sent me an email saying that her husband's co-worker has a seven year old son who was just diagnosed last month and is interested in attending.

And then the man who started the group, Steve, sent me an email asking me to contact a family whose seven year old daughter was just diagnosed and to send information about the meeting.

Do you know what the first thought that went through my mind was when they told me about this boy and girl? Great! Now Brendon has a couple of kids his age who may attend the meeting. Not: How devastating for those families. I'm ashamed of myself for not having thought that first.

I popped off a couple of upbeat emails to the families like I was informing them of a fucking Tupperware party. I offered them my number so that they could call me if they wanted to talk further about what they were going through, but that was about it. I don't know why my emails weren't more heartfelt and sympathetic. I was robotic and matter of fact in my tone. What's happened to me?

Yesterday, a package was delivered with some pump paks Jeff ordered for Brendon. Jacob wanted one too, but we told him that they were for Brendon's diabetes. He said, "when I have diabetes when I'm older, I get one too?" Jeff told him he won't have diabetes when he's older. Jacob wanted to be like his brother and was feeling left out, so Jeff gave him an extra belt that he could wear. And proudly he wore it. Why doesn't someone rip heart out and do the flamenco dance on it because it couldn't be worse than how I felt at that moment watching Jakey walk around with it on like it was a badge of honor.

Jamie posted about Dani asking if she'd still have diabetes when she was older. What made it all the more heartbreaking was that she is too young to understand the gravity of having it, yet something in her little instincts tells her that diabetes is unnatural and that her body must be shed of it.

Brendon's numbers are in the upper 200-400's again. I can't even tell you how much we've raised his rates. But I think he's having a major summertime growth spurt like when you see a pipsqueak at the end of the school year and by the time summer ends and school starts, people are shocked at how head and shoulders big he's gotten. I've written about this growth spurt pretty recently, but let me tell you he's enormous now. His best friend was here playing yesterday. They're a month apart in age. They used to be the same height. I noticed that Brendon is now nearly a head taller than his friend. Insulin seems to have no effect on his numbers right now and I HATE when we can't subdue diabetes.

My heart is heavy and is having a hard time finding it's way out. I'm trying to find a way to soldier on just as all the DOC kids do.

Sometimes playing some sad music helps, so I'll be listening to this all day long:

15 Comments:

  • Shannon,

    You're in my thoughts today. Riley's numbers have been less than perfect lately. Although I try not to focus on the numbers, when we have days of highs, it somehow puts me in a funk.

    And Jake, ugh, that's got to tug at your heart. He wants to be just like his big brother. I think he's picked a great guy to look up to. But, he doesn't understand that he doesn't want to be "just like" Brendon.

    Keep your head up. You know even better than me that those highs will even out and life will get back to your kind of normal soon.

    But, man, it sucks waiting, watching, wondering...

    (((hug)))

    By Blogger Penny, at 7/19/2007 9:13 AM  

  • Thinking of you Shannon.

    By Blogger Scott K. Johnson, at 7/19/2007 10:49 AM  

  • Shannon, that sucks.

    As for your cheery nature in dealing with the newbies, I have to say it is a good thing. When we were trained to be mentors by the JDRF they stress for us to be upbeat when we make our first few contacts. They need to know that it is going to be ok and that at some point they will be like you and smile again.
    Here is a link to a story that will hopefully make you feel better:
    http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2007/07/19/5324.html

    I hope your day gets better.

    By Blogger Vivian, at 7/19/2007 4:10 PM  

  • Dad nab it!! It cut off the link.
    Just add this to the end of what is in the last post. .html

    By Blogger Vivian, at 7/19/2007 4:13 PM  

  • Oh Shannon. I don't know what to say, but it's going to be okay. It just sucks right now.

    And your description of Jake wearing the pump pack made me cry. I'm not sure why. I couldn't even smirk at the idea of a flamenco dancer ... I felt your pain in my own heart on this one.

    Your kid is Superman. And you are his SuperMom. Stay tough, my friend.

    By Blogger Kerri., at 7/19/2007 4:26 PM  

  • Shannon,
    I never know what to say when you post about the struggles you are having with Diabets, and today is no different. I wish I knew exactly what to say to make you feel better..

    I am sending you hugs from up north!!

    By Blogger Jenn, at 7/19/2007 5:13 PM  

  • You have every right to vent .... you can't help but get pissed off at this disease from time to time. Like I mentioned in my previous post - I will never be 100% happy that this disease entered my childs life. No parent would be - and that means we're going to have our shit days.

    It is sad, in some way, how we get so robotic about it all - but if you look at it from a different angle, it's not necessarily robotic - it's just part of our day to day routine. Firing off those cheery emails to those new families IS necessary. You know how they are feeling - they need to hear from someone who knows what it's like. You will be someone they'll look up to until they get a grip on things at their own end.

    Don't be so hard on yourself :) You are doing an awesome job - this disease throws everyone for loops constantly. It's the nature of it - we can't do anything about it and it sucks.

    Stay strong - you are superwoman! (cause, after all, you are superman's mom!)

    By Blogger Jamie, at 7/19/2007 7:02 PM  

  • *lots of hugs*

    By Blogger Rachel..., at 7/19/2007 9:18 PM  

  • Shannon,

    I hope today is better. I think you need to watch "Angry Marriage."

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfUv5t71_Xo

    By Blogger Carey, at 7/20/2007 8:28 AM  

  • Carey,

    That's just what I fucking needed to see you chickshit. Fuck you asshole ;)

    By Blogger Shannon, at 7/20/2007 8:39 AM  

  • Ha! Mr. Show always turns my frown upside down. Glad you liked it.

    By Blogger Carey, at 7/20/2007 9:06 AM  

  • "Here's your fucking lemonade, asshole."

    I laughed so hard I cried. Seriously.

    By Blogger Kerri., at 7/20/2007 9:53 AM  

  • Kerri,
    How funny would it be if you and Chris spoke to each other that way.

    By Blogger Shannon, at 7/20/2007 9:58 AM  

  • Shannon
    If I could I would jump through this computer and hug you and tell you how dear you are. How encouraging you are to others, and what a wonderful Mother you are.

    I am hugging and praying for you and your family.

    By Anonymous tongue in cheek, at 7/20/2007 11:23 AM  

  • Hi Shannon -

    I can't believe I'm late to this post. I HATE this disease for exactly this reason - these kinds of days beat us down something awful.

    I'm always thinking of you.

    ox, N

    By Blogger Nicole P, at 7/20/2007 3:32 PM  

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