Mom Wants A Diabetes Cure

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Too Much Anatomy

What is UP with banana hammocks?

The first beautiful day we had in a loooong time was spent at the beach, today. The beach was really crowded because everyone was taking advantage of the beautiful weather while they could.

We found a primo spot right next to the jetty so that it would be easy for our kids to find us and it’s a built in playground if they get sick of the sand.

We settle in nicely when who shows up but Banana Hammock Man. He was about 60 years old, tanned, leathery, and short. But not fat…just saggy.

He plants his reclining lawn chair right. next. to. my. chair. No buffer zone to speak of. Didn’t even try to even out the spacing between my chair and the people next to us.

OK, who the hell brings a lawn chair to the beach?

And then he just stands there….back to the sun….ass facing me….face level. It was fabulous to have a saggy ass smack dab in my facial space.

Jeff came over after playing catch with Brendon and mouthed to me to look behind me. I told him I was absolutely aware of the violation. I didn't want to come face to ass with the guy.

BHM stood there for an eternity. The kids started asking why he was standing there. Never moved. Never adjusted his footing. Ugh.

Finally he lays on his chair and begins his sun worship. He couldn’t get any tanner than he already was. He was a tanorexic.

So he’s laying there and every time I returned to my chair after being in the water, I had to witness his saggy ass. I have to tell you how ill I felt. I tried not to look, but it was right there. Damn…….

We finally started packing up to leave and he adjusted his positioning so that now he was laying on his back. Not only was he laying on his back, but his legs were spread wide open with his feet planted on the sand so that the insides of his saggy thighs could get some rays.

And his saggy ball sack was just laying there all lumpy and disgusting.

Jeff said the guy was a P-I-G. I thoroughly agreed.


  • Oh, gosh. I don't think I'll say anything about this. Except, aren't people strange?

    By Blogger Jim Purdy, at 8/17/2008 10:08 PM  

  • Oh gross. Old saggy ball sacks ruin a day at the beach every time!

    By Blogger bob marley & lucy liu, at 8/17/2008 10:59 PM  

  • Umm...eww?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8/17/2008 11:17 PM  

  • Shannon -
    Ewwww, I'm getting a visual!
    Why do mummified leathermen feel the need to show us their man lumps and ass crack even when we have no desire to see them?
    I will say, I've seen some very leathery ladies as well letting it al hang out and it's just as offending.

    I think BHM's brother sits a few beaches down from me. We refer to him as "Thong Master General - who also happens to be a human sun dial."
    Every hour he moves his lawn chair to follow the sun and lathers up with Crisco or Olive oil.
    He was also fined 25 years ago in my home town for indecent exposure.
    He did win, because he proved that it would be sexual discrimination if women could wear thongs & he couldn't.

    By Blogger k2, at 8/18/2008 11:42 AM  

  • I am LMAO!!!!!

    I agree. No dude should ever EVER where those unless, he is playing a sport where that is the uniform but he must throw on shorts when he decides to strut. LoL

    By Blogger George, at 8/18/2008 2:45 PM  

  • *gag*

    I'm having trouble removing that visual from my mind.

    *gag again*

    Sorry you had to go through that my friend! I did witness a few wrinkly-leathery old farts when we were in Hawaii years ago - but it was mainly women - so never had the, uh, horrors, of seeing saggy ball sacks of old men, but it was scary none the less.

    My sympathies girl! Hope the images fade with time ....

    (ok, had to laugh cause it wasn't me ..... but still ... ewwwwwwww!!!)

    By Blogger Jamie, at 8/18/2008 5:28 PM  

  • Is he single?

    (ha ha ha ha ha!!!)

    By Blogger Your Mommy, at 8/19/2008 8:00 PM  

  • Mom,

    You just made me realize what is more disgusting than BHM's lumpy ball sack.

    By Blogger Shannon, at 8/19/2008 8:20 PM  

  • Oh gosh, I think BHM had a brother up at our beach this summer. BBM (ball bag man) That's our nice term for them. The only thing was that our old guy was basically hung down to his knees and I really wanted to applaud the man. It was impressive, in an old guy sort of way. I mean, really. I guess if you're going to be hung like a Clydesdale then you might as well wear a BB or BH. lol.

    By Blogger Michelle, at 8/20/2008 11:26 AM  

  • Eeewwwwww. That's just gross. And would have totally ruined my day at the beach.

    By Blogger Life As I Know It, at 8/20/2008 9:50 PM  

  • Geez! Too funny! I'm so very sorry that he ruined your day at the beach. Hehehehehehe! I guess that is the price that you pay for a day at the beach.

    By Blogger Lisa, at 8/21/2008 12:06 AM  

  • OMG- i think we saw your guy on Friday. He fit the description perfectly, except this one had his wife with him and she was wearing a THONG bikini! She was down on all 4's digging in the sand with her grandkids (both boys, both with their own little speedos, to boot) and let me tell you, we all got a show. Here's ten bucks. Get a mirror, people.

    By Blogger Lea, at 8/24/2008 9:32 PM  


    By Blogger Paige, at 9/07/2008 4:03 PM  

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