Too Much Anatomy

What is UP with banana hammocks?

The first beautiful day we had in a loooong time was spent at the beach, today. The beach was really crowded because everyone was taking advantage of the beautiful weather while they could.

We found a primo spot right next to the jetty so that it would be easy for our kids to find us and it’s a built in playground if they get sick of the sand.

We settle in nicely when who shows up but Banana Hammock Man. He was about 60 years old, tanned, leathery, and short. But not fat…just saggy.

He plants his reclining lawn chair right. next. to. my. chair. No buffer zone to speak of. Didn’t even try to even out the spacing between my chair and the people next to us.

OK, who the hell brings a lawn chair to the beach?

And then he just stands there….back to the sun….ass facing me….face level. It was fabulous to have a saggy ass smack dab in my facial space.

Jeff came over after playing catch with Brendon and mouthed to me to look behind me. I told him I was absolutely aware of the violation. I didn't want to come face to ass with the guy.

BHM stood there for an eternity. The kids started asking why he was standing there. Never moved. Never adjusted his footing. Ugh.

Finally he lays on his chair and begins his sun worship. He couldn’t get any tanner than he already was. He was a tanorexic.

So he’s laying there and every time I returned to my chair after being in the water, I had to witness his saggy ass. I have to tell you how ill I felt. I tried not to look, but it was right there. Damn…….

We finally started packing up to leave and he adjusted his positioning so that now he was laying on his back. Not only was he laying on his back, but his legs were spread wide open with his feet planted on the sand so that the insides of his saggy thighs could get some rays.

And his saggy ball sack was just laying there all lumpy and disgusting.

Jeff said the guy was a P-I-G. I thoroughly agreed.