The Birds And The Bees From Soup To Nuts

Well, he asked for it. He wanted me to tell him where babies come from and before I could answer, Jessica said they come from mommy's stomach. I've told the kids the Cliff's Notes version of baby making before, but he's getting older now and "magic" just doesn't cut it anymore.

"Yeah I know, but how do they get there?", he asked.

"The sperm meets the egg and says a fine how do you do and then POOF! a baby is made." (I improvised this line a bit).

"No, start from the waaay beginning and take it to the end", he insisted.

Ohhh...whew...well, uh. Hmm, how can I tastefully get into the bow-chicka-bow-wow without getting too graphic?

OK...here goes:

"The daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina...."

"Ahhhh!!!!", he screams as he ducks for cover on the couch and assumes the fetal position with arms and hands covering his head as though I just unloaded a hand grenade on him.

"And the daddy's sperm comes out and finds the mommy's egg in her belly and then they meet together and break up into a whole bunch of cells and they keep dividing until the baby is formed."

He came up for air when I started mentioning the cell division part and relaxed a lot more.

"Where does the baby come out?"

"Well, the baby comes out of the vagina, but for some women, like mommy, the doctor cuts open the stomach and pulls the baby out from there."

A bit like Alien...

"How big is a vagina?"

I close my fist and say..."A vagina is closed like this, but as the baby comes out, it opens up like this", as I spread my hands wide, "and the baby slides out."

"How does it open that wide?"

"Well, it's able to stretch open..."

He cuts me off and says, "That's weird." And resumes watching Cory In The House.