Mom Wants A Diabetes Cure

Saturday, March 29, 2008

The Halfway Mark...Almost

I'm seeing a new WW leader first thing Saturday mornings and he's fucking evil. Damn him.

This morning, he was talking about trigger foods....the food item you eat that makes you go ape shit and causes you to eat non-stop.

So he's asking people what their trigger foods are and a guy says peanut butter. He goes through an entire jar in 3 days. Now that's the way to pull an Elvis. Dying on the crapper 'cuz you're all plugged up.

A woman speaks up and says she loves to dig into peanut butter with a spoon and dip it into a bag of chocolate chips.

Thanks bitch....I hadn't eaten breakfast by the way....I didn't want to mess up my weigh-in, but with all of this trigger talk, I'm about to go ape shit and tear through the member's pocketbooks to see who's hiding the candy bars or whatever secret goodies they've got stashed.

So, I'm really wanting this session to be over, or for the leader to change the subject, but no. He elaborates on the peanut butter and chocolate chip thing.

He says real slowly and seductively, "The mouths of the peanut butter jars got bigger, so you don't just dip the spoon in, you take a WOODEN spoon and dip it in real slow and then you pull it out real slow so that you have it coated with peanut butter."

It's sounding a little erotic, dontcha think?

He continues, "You don't just stop there. You take that yellow bag you have and open it wide and then you dip the peanut butter laden spoon into it and you get all of those chocolate chips coating the whole thing, and then you start licking it off and you get the chips up your nose and it's all over your face.

And then you're scraping the inside of the peanut butter jar and you know that lip under the mouth of the jar where you can't get the spoon? You have to take your pinky and swirl it around to get the rest. But you know what I do?

I run the water until it's warm and I fill the jar about a quarter of the way, put the lid back on and I shake it until all the peanut butter is cleaned off the sides. And then I drink the water."

I lost my appetite you sadistic bastard. You've redeemed yourself!

As of today, I've lost 11.8 pounds in 11 weeks doing WW. I have 16 pounds to go to reach my goal. According to the counter on the right I don't have a whole lot of time to lose it. But it doesn't mean it isn't possible to reach my goal.

17 Comments:

  • Ewww - I was getting hungry just reading it until the end.

    Great job on the weight loss! Congratulations.

    By Blogger Colleen, at 3/29/2008 6:36 PM  

  • Although I am peanutbutter junkie,
    I am proud to say that I have NEVER drunk the water!

    Congrats on the weight loss,
    YOU ROCK!
    k2

    By Blogger k2, at 3/29/2008 6:50 PM  

  • I'm a peanut butter junkie, too. But ewwww!

    Congrats on the weight-loss!

    By Blogger Donna, at 3/29/2008 7:22 PM  

  • Ewwww!

    People do some weird things with peanut butter.

    Not me though. PB and pickle sandwiches is perfectly normal, right? :D

    By Blogger ..M.., at 3/29/2008 11:49 PM  

  • I saw that water thing coming and it made me cringe.

    By Blogger Christine-Megan, at 3/30/2008 1:21 AM  

  • i'm so grateful that i hate peanut butter and chocolate both. shannon, if i had been you though, i'd have gone up and kicked that sadistic little WW leader in the nuts. and i don't mean the cruncy peanut kind!

    By OpenID landileigh, at 3/30/2008 3:06 AM  

  • Peanut buttery luke-warm water? Yucktastic.

    Congrats on the weight loss!

    By Blogger Scott K. Johnson, at 3/30/2008 10:54 AM  

  • What's a WW?

    By Blogger tescosuicide, at 3/30/2008 11:14 AM  

  • Hi there :) WW = Weight Watchers.

    By Blogger Shannon, at 3/30/2008 11:24 AM  

  • Gag...ugh...gross!
    But way to go on the weight loss :)

    By Blogger Araby62, at 3/30/2008 1:27 PM  

  • Way to go, Shannon!

    I prefer to rinse my peanut butter remnants down with beer, btw.

    By Blogger Paige, at 3/30/2008 3:00 PM  

  • makes me happy that me=peanut allergy. (as I sit here with a bag of Stacy's parmesan and herb pita chips which they are joking when they say there are 6 servings in this bag)

    By Blogger Michelle, at 3/30/2008 3:18 PM  

  • Congrats on the weight loss!!! You're doing awesome.

    PB water. Now that's just putrid. I was drooling over the chips and PB, but yeah, the PB water was just plain old disgusting.

    Kind of like "Weiner Water Soup".

    (My Aunt came up with this one - what to do with the water you boil your hot dogs in ... for poor University Students ... make weiner water soup! Now maybe they could have PB water to wash it down after ... BLECH!)

    By Blogger Jamie, at 3/30/2008 6:41 PM  

  • OMG. I'm going to keep the weiner water soup idea from my WW leader. I'm afraid of what he'll suggest to do with the hot dogs and the water. I don't need him having an orgasm in the middle of the meeting.

    By Blogger Shannon, at 3/30/2008 7:05 PM  

  • Oh gag me! Very effective. I'd love to find a great WW leader. No such luck here.

    I would never eat before going to a WW meeting either, and then I wanted to attack the people who brought Starbucks coffee in to listen to the leader. The smell would waft over... enticing, making my stomach grumble AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

    Congrats on the weight loss!!!

    By Blogger Naomi, at 3/30/2008 9:53 PM  

  • MMM erotic - peanut butter water.

    How's the lifting going?

    By Blogger Wingman, at 3/31/2008 10:18 AM  

  • Hmmm....lifing fell by the wayside back when I got sick, and then I actually FORGOT to work out, LOL.

    So, now I'm onto the program again. I did cardio a little while ago. This afternoon, I'll lift.

    By Blogger Shannon, at 3/31/2008 10:30 AM  

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