Mom Wants A Diabetes Cure

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Diabetes Pissed Me Off To Tears.

Rarely do the day to day tasks of managing diabetes get my feathers ruffled. Sometimes I get annoyed by one thing or another, but it passes quickly and is seconds out of my mind.

But, for some reason I was in tears over it just now and my blood was boiling along with the water I was nuking in the microwave.

Who knew making hot chocolate was such a monumental task.

It snowed for the first time today and I actually saw a buck and a doe romping around my backyard. It was exciting for the kids and me to see...as well as the dog who was barking madly.

Anyway, when Brendon came home from school, he and the other two wanted to go out and play in the snow. They asked if I could make them hot chocolate when they came in.

My spirits were high from the deer and the snow, and seeing the kids playing in the snow anticipating some sweet hot chocolate to warm their cold tummies.

But diabetes had to come along and muck up a perfectly fine day and it pissed me right the hell off.

I boiled the water.

Poured it into mugs.

Pulled out a measuring spoon to measure out powder for Brendon.

Mixed it up.

Poured some milk into the mugs.

I wondered whether I poured enough milk to count the carbs.

I decided on a few carbs to be safe.

I got out the little marshmallows.

Poured some onto the scale.

It weighed 10 grams.

Had to calculate how many carbs 10 grams of marshmallows were.

They were 8 grams of carbs.

Had to add up the carbs for the chocolate powder, milk, and marshmallows.


I wanted to throw the fucking mug of hot chocolate right out the fucking window!!!!!!

Argghhhh!!!!!

I don't know why I couldn't cope. I started crying...not sobbing...just some eye stinging tears and a rise in blood pressure.

Anyone reading this is probably thinking it's only hot chocolate. There are worse things in the world that could happen....this should be your worst problem.

I don't know. Maybe it's that time of the month or something. I had second thoughts about posting this, but I'm doing it anyway.

Yeah, diabetes caused me to add a few more steps to a two step process, but it does that to EVERYTHING.

Add it all up day to day and you'll count about 500 trillion more steps than anyone else without diabetes has to take.

26 Comments:

  • My mission was to come up with a cranberry dessert for Thursday. Never mind that there will be a pumpkin dessert already, and 3 out of 6 participants in dinner have diabetes.

    Every time I thought I found a good one, I saw the carb content and screamed a little.

    I gave up.

    (And then, of course, after I've done my grocery shopping for the big day, I find the perfect cranberry dessert recipe in Diabetes Self-Management. sigh.)

    By Blogger Rachel..., at 11/20/2007 5:53 PM  

  • i'm there every day it seems. it's all these frigging little steps and all you want to do is have something warm and hot and stop your stomach from growling.

    just know we're in this together.

    By Anonymous landileigh, at 11/20/2007 5:55 PM  

  • Shannon,
    I am so sorry you had a bad day. Sometimes everything just gets to be too much. I hope you're feeling better now.

    I hope this doesn't make things worse, but I've tagged you. Please see below for the rules/guidelines:
    1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
    2. Post these rules on your blog.
    3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
    4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post.
    5. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

    Thanks & have fun! Truly - I hope this isn't a bad time for this. If you don't feel like doing this, I completely understand.

    By Blogger Donna, at 11/20/2007 5:59 PM  

  • Shannon,

    I hate those moments. They don't happen very often, but when they do they hit like a ton of bricks. I'm sorry today was one of them.

    By Blogger Jillian, at 11/20/2007 6:01 PM  

  • {{{{Shannon}}}}}
    I know exactly how you feel! I'm only type2. Mind if I share how I sneak in a bit of hot chocolate?
    12 almonds soaked overnight
    2 - 4 Tablespoons Cocoa Powder
    1 or 2 Splenda packets
    High Speed with my VitaMix to Liquify.
    I can actually heat it up hot enough to drink with my VitaMix;)
    My problem is chili with rice or just chowing out on peanutbutter:(
    Huggles
    MeadowLark

    By Blogger MeadowLark, at 11/20/2007 6:40 PM  

  • Same snow up here in Meredith, but instead of playing in it, I slid down our road in the car, would have been more fun if it had been a sled. I also wanted hot chocolate after I stopped shaking, but had a cup of tea instead. I honestly thought about Brendon and the other kids and wondered if the sugar free hot chocolate mixes taste any good.
    Hang in there. As always, I'm awed by parents of kids with diabetes.

    By Blogger Colleen, at 11/20/2007 6:49 PM  

  • We can be as strong as an oak when the news is bad....but one cup of hot cocoa too many and watch out!

    Sometimes it is all about the hot cocoa. ((hug))

    By Blogger Lea, at 11/20/2007 7:07 PM  

  • It's always the little things that get me.

    Probably because the little things should be... little, simple. None of us should have to deal with all the stupid extras diabetes throw at us.

    It is good to get pissed at the little things, and let it out.

    By Blogger Caro, at 11/20/2007 7:11 PM  

  • It's definitely not "just hot chocolate." Really. I understand how a simple something can turn into a frustrating menace. And how angry it make a person.

    I probably would've thrown the cocoa out the window. That's just one reason why I'm not going to be a mother. My utter lack of patience when I'm angry.

    I'm thinking of you.

    By Blogger Nicole P, at 11/20/2007 7:40 PM  

  • Shannon.... Some days - it is just the little things that set us over the edge... it's knowing that someone is making millions off of the pour that are buying gas... it's knowing that companies could make food healthier but the CEO would not make a million dollar bonus for the quarter so they use cheap crap like high fructose corn syrup...
    The world has become so filled with greed that it makes us ill and it just takes a little thing to set us off. I am sending you a hug from VA.. just remember that it is the small things in life like having someone to share a snowy day with!
    Sorry for your frustrations but you are not alone!!
    Go to a quiet place - bathroom, or out in the snow and just let the tears flow.. WE ALL need to let go of the feeling that we have to be so strong all of the time and that we don't deserve the right to just loose it!

    By Blogger vtfrog, at 11/20/2007 9:54 PM  

  • Hi,
    I'm sorry you had a bad day. I swear, sometimes it's the littlest things that can get too be too much. I can take the site changes, the multiple blood tests without complaining, but just sometimes the thought of eating something (or not eating it) because my bg is off track and i don't want to add an imprecise carb count to the mix is enought to drive me to tears ...
    here's hoping tomorrow is a better day!
    Randee

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11/20/2007 9:55 PM  

  • (( Shannon ))

    For you. It's a carb-free hug.

    By Blogger Kerri., at 11/20/2007 10:12 PM  

  • Sometimes, Shannon, it's the little things that hit us the hardest. Why SHOULDN'T making a mug of hot chocolate for Brendon be just like making a mug for yourself?

    The measuring and weighing gets us down, becomes tedious and repetitive... yet, it is awesome mom's like you that keep on plugging.

    Love to you.. and thanks, from a diabetic "kid".

    By Blogger kitter, at 11/21/2007 3:06 AM  

  • I understand, Shannon. Sometimes it is the tiniest of things that puts you over. But we always get ourselves back together and make sure that the cocoa is in the mugs.

    (By the way...snow? I am so envious. It was 70 degrees here yesterday.)

    By Blogger Paige, at 11/21/2007 8:11 AM  

  • Thanks Shannon, for writing this. It is great to know that I am not alone in my carb counting collapses...

    By Blogger Becky, at 11/21/2007 9:15 AM  

  • Shannon, your son is lucky to have you for a mom. But remember the counting doesn't have to be "perfect" especially for a treat - with all the snow and excitement his bs was probably crazy anyway. Hang in there and take a deep breath; it has to be way harder dealing with this for someone than dealing with this for yourself.

    By Blogger Wingman, at 11/21/2007 9:34 AM  

  • I find that sometimes it's the weirdest/littlest/strangest things that set me off from time to time. Like being in the freezer section at Safeway and hearing the advertisement over the intercom for the pharmacy, toting a new lancing device with a woman saying "When I go into her room at night to test her, she doesn't even feel it!" .... I started bawling. Why that did it, I have no clue. It sucks when it's a public place.

    We're entitled to these "moments". It's a 24 hr a day, 7 day a week job. No holidays whatsoever. Measuring marshmallows and hot chocolate can piss you off. Why can't we just make a mug of hot chocolate for our kid without all the damned hooplah surrounding it?

    Big hugs for you. I'm glad you posted this - so we can tell you that you're not alone in this daily battle and that it's not crazy, it's normal.

    Hang in there chickie. You're doing a fantastic job :-)

    By Blogger Jamie, at 11/21/2007 11:06 AM  

  • You had to think of these things, but your son did not.

    To him, the hot chocolate still had its magic - minus the numbers and formula to keep it carb friendly.

    Good Mom.

    By Anonymous Darrell, at 11/21/2007 11:29 AM  

  • Shannon-

    I know.

    Why can't something so simple just be... simple?

    (((Hugs)))

    By Blogger Sandra Miller, at 11/21/2007 11:41 AM  

  • Shannon

    It does just stink.

    Maybe if we could have one thing a day where we didn't have to think about the carbs. A guilt and thought free meal. I'd love that.

    Despite this, I hope you have a good Thanksgiving.

    By Blogger Bernard, at 11/21/2007 5:24 PM  

  • Thank you
    Thank you
    Thank you

    to each and every one who commented. The support is outstanding and is exactly what I need, and why I love the OC so much.

    By Blogger Shannon, at 11/21/2007 8:31 PM  

  • The reality of a cup of hot chocolate with marshmellows.
    Sometimes the reality is too hot and it burns.
    Sometimes the sweet is too bitter to taste.
    I feel for you.

    By Anonymous tongue in cheek, at 11/22/2007 1:18 AM  

  • ((((hugs)))

    I get it.

    By Blogger Amylia, at 11/22/2007 2:23 AM  

  • ((((hugs)))

    I get it.

    By Blogger Amylia, at 11/22/2007 2:24 AM  

  • god that breaks my heart shannon.

    By Blogger Chris, at 11/22/2007 8:44 AM  

  • Shannon - I totally understand.

    I hate those extra steps too. It sucks.

    This is a great post, although it was an emotionally powerful thing for you. I appreciate that you took the time to share with us.

    By Blogger Scott K. Johnson, at 11/23/2007 12:35 AM  

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